When authorities clash. Issues with submission.

Do not give money to beggars. They are a public safety risk.

Do not give money to beggars. They are a public safety risk.

Do not give money to beggars. They are a public safety risk.

This message was broadcast over the loudspeakers at Melbourne Central the other day, and I was horrified. What does this say about our society when we can't even give money to beggars?

I wasn't happy because giving to the poor is something my God commanded me to do, and it's something I enjoy doing as well. Arguments against it are, "Yeah, but they'll just spend it on drugs." God never told us to judge whether or not we should give based on what they were probably going to do with that gift. He quite simply told us to give.

If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land. Deuteronomy 15:7,11

He who despises his neighbor sins,but blessed is he who is kind to the needy. Proverbs 14:21

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:17-18

These are just a few of the many, many verses about giving to the needy in the bible. The verses on giving cover a number of things, such as the blessings that come with giving, the fact that if you listen to those who cry out in need God in turn will listen to you, and that it is sinful to ignore the cries of the needy. Not once in the Bible does it say, "Give to the needy unless you know they're going to abuse what you give to them" or "Only give to people who don't look like they could be a public danger". We were called to give, not judge then give.

So in my heart I decided that I would give to beggars if they approached me at the station, in obedience to what Jesus commanded. And then later I realised that to do this while knowing my actions went against the authorities at the station was as much as sin to God as ignoring the poor was.

What to do? What to do?

I cannot compromise on God's Word. Therefore, I must submit to authorities unless they contradict God. In this case the authorities went against God's commands, so I feel quite justified in still giving to the poor. And yet I don't want to rebel either. Is there a way to obey God in both without compromising either of God's commands?

Solution? The thing is, giving doesn't necessarily have to be a monetary gift. I can still give, in obedience to God and love to others, while submitting to the authorities God has placed in my life.

So next time, rather than give a beggar money, maybe I'll buy them a cheeseburger =)

Losing focus

For the second time in probably a month I have posted something, only to take it down. The first time the post was only up for less than an hour. The second lasted several hours. The reason I took them down is quite simply this:

I want to glorify my God with my life.

But little things, whether they be my own selfish ambitions and desires, sins in my life, especially trying to please others and my poor attitudes, distractions, fixating on the "storms", worries, anxieties, fears, continually stand in the way.

They make me forget what I want. They make me push aside what I want. They demean what I want. I start wanting other things more.

The two posts I have taken down, if you were unfortunate enough to read them, highlighted this. I have been a very jealous, angry and frustrated person inside, and I was expressing that through both posts. In one I tried to explain my feelings and how God lead me to believe I was wrong. In the other I tried to justify my feelings and behaviours by pointing out ways I was fed up with being treated by different people.

In both cases all I was really doing was showing my inability to glorify God in these situations. It doesn't matter how right I think I might be. God is always right. He is always good. And my behaviours and attitudes, even the writing of those posts, was not justified. It doesn't matter what situations I have recently been through. My response was wrong, and the one I wronged most was God. And I lost focus of what I really want, to glorify God, in my need to express my hurts and vindicate myself.

God, I'm really sorry. Help me keep my attitude in check.

And anyone who read my posts, I'm also really sorry. I will be more responsible.

Dreams

This post has been a while in the making.

When people talk about prophetic dreams listeners’ hackles go up and people become wary, sceptical and defensive. Same! It isn’t that I don’t think God can’t speak through dreams. He can! Look at Joseph. I just find it difficult to know how that person can be so sure the dream is from God.

The thing is I frequently have extremely vivid dreams, and recent dreams (within the last few years) have made me begin to wonder if God is perhaps trying to tell me stuff. Several of the dreams could perhaps easily be described as “prophetic”, but are they from God or from somewhere else? I find it hard to believe they’re from God for this reason:

As a little atheist child, I had “prophetic dreams”. The one I remember most clearly was of a bridge collapsing under a passenger train (I had lots of bad dreams). I woke up, and too scared to sleep, I got up. My Dad, a stupidly early riser, was already up watching the early morning news. I sat to watch it with him, and there, on the tv, was a story about a train accident in Europe involving a bridge collapse.

My point is that when you sleep you are incredibly vulnerable. Sleep isn’t just a time when you’re still enough for God to speak, it’s also a time when the enemy can easily get in. I cannot say for certain that God didn’t give me the train accident dream, but I struggle to understand why God would reveal something like that to an imaginative, fearful child that would add to her fear. Further suspicions that make me think perhaps God wasn’t involved include:
-this led me to a fascination with dreams and other occultic bizarreness in my teenage years.
-my Mum (non-Christian) also had a similar experience involving a bus crash and she awoke crying. Could it be from a spirit that has attached itself to my family, or a generational curse, or the product of my great grandmother playing around with this sort of thing?

Given all this plus the fact that I frequently have strange dreams, nightmares and freaky sleeping experiences (maybe I’ll describe these another time), I found it difficult to trust that my “prophetic dreams” are from God. I was convinced this was not a safe way for God to speak to me, therefore He wouldn’t and He would stick to better paths of communication.

It is presumptuous and wrong to think God would be limited by this. And some of my dreams suggest that maybe God has been speaking to me in my sleep. Possible evidence:

a. I was home on holiday and I dreamt of my Dad dying. I woke up sobbing and felt the urge to pray for him. The following day he came over (he never came over- at the time Mum and he weren’t on good terms). His arms were covered in massive cuts. Apparently he had cut himself and was sitting on the bridge contemplating suicide when the police found him. This occurred in the early hours, about the time I had the dream.

b. I kept dreaming of houses falling apart, particularly while I was inside. Not long after a piece of ceiling fell on my colleague’s bed (thankfully he was on holiday), and Melbourne started experiencing earth tremors.

c. I previously posted of a dream starting with my experiments and ending with a tidal wave. Not long after, my experiments kept getting flooded out by heavy rain, and there were earth quakes and devastating tidal waves in the south Pacific islands.

d. For a while I kept dreaming that someone would break into our house. I attributed this to paranoia and fear. Last Friday someone broke in and stole some of our valuables. I was shaken, but not surprised, and now I wish I’d prayed more about it.

I’ve also had other dreams that evoke the same feelings of fear. Three notable examples include watching Melbourne be destroyed by electric storms, watching a massive storm come upon Sydney, and watching severe storms pass overhead that resulted in flooding and the death of three kids in regional NSW.

Are these prophetic? In fact, how can I be sure any of these are from God? It’s hard to say, because all of these dreams have filled me with incredible fear (with the exception of the one involving Dad- that was more overwhelming sadness). Such a fear shouldn’t come from God, right?

I don’t know. This is something I should seriously look into, and until I’m sure what is going on, I should perhaps approach my dreams without scepticism or fear, but with caution and prayer. It never hurts to pray.

At last!

The last four weeks have been really tough! Thankfully, I have survived (it was easier than I thought) and today is the last day! Tomorrow, oh precious tomorrow, I shall do exciting things accompanied by the sweet sounds of Muse, then Mew, then maybe some Death Cab and Dashboard Confessional, and while I'm listening to romantic acoustics I may as well play Secondhand Serenade. Oh my precious precious musics! I shall be listening to my lovely alternative/punk/emo/acoustic/indie/danish/rock/shoegaze/all my awesome cds!

You see, for four weeks I have seen my cds, and my mp3s, and my link to last.fm... and I have shown great self-restraint and not touched them! I gave up my music for four weeks!



But why?!!???!! Was I abstaining from the beloved music for a higher purpose i.e. God?

Yes... and no. I didn't give it up because I was seeking God (kind of like fasting). It was more of an experiment. So let me set it out like an experiment.

NOTE- I am not testing God. I am testing myself. After all, I'm a mouse, and mouses are goods for the experiments and goods for the bads englishes.

Introduction- I love music. And admittedly the music I listen to isn't always the "nice" type. I tend to listen to music that really moves me, for whatever reason, and in a lot of ways it's almost an emotional dependence on music. I listen to songs to get an instant emotional hit, and music has a high priority in my life. I listen to it when I catch public transport. I listen to it at work sometimes. I listen to it when I play on the internets. I often listen to music that matches my emotional state or situation. And I know that music can be very influential, even dangerously so, because it really speaks to you in a way that words and images fail.

Hypothesis- I will be able to hear God better when I'm not listening to music, and my "emotional state" will be improved (i.e. happier- I listen to a lot of sad music).

Aims- To determine if I can go without listening to my secular music.
To identify if music is affecting my ability to seek and hear God.
To identify the impact music has on my emotional state.

Methods- Basically, I avoided listening to my music. This included music videos.

Results and discussion- The first three weeks was really easy. The last week has been a nightmare. I've been constantly plagued by the need to listen to music. I think of certain songs I'm almost dying to hear. I desire to sing along and try to play them on bass or even try learning guitar. I suspect it may be because the last few weeks I've been pretty ill, and all my illness + personal issues + work issues = I feel moody and tired and grumpy and wants meh muziks!

My walk with God has been pretty good. Although sometimes it has been pretty bad. I don't think my ability to hear God has improved, but I do desire to spend more time with Him without needing to "be in the right mood" or wanting that emotional hit from Him (and being subsequently disappointed if I don't get it). This is good.

Emotionally, I'm still as demented as ever. The feelings haven't really changed, so I suspect the music I listen to doesn't cause my feelings; rather, it amplifies them. This is because if I'm sad I tend to listen to sad music, or if I'm angry I listen to angry music, or if I'm sleazy... okay, just joshing about that one =D My point is I listen to music that I "relate to" which feeds my emotional state and possibly heightens it.

Conclusions- I love my music. And it's still an important part of my life. But (excluding the music binge of tomorrow) I plan on listening to it less and being less emotionally dependant on it. I love it but I don't need it and I can go without it. However, I do need God, and thankfully He is someone I can turn to in any state or frame of mind, and His influence on my life will always be good.

Happy Fathers' Day

During today's sermon a part of the message touched on the fact that an increasing number of people don't live in "ideal" family situations- broken families, conflicts, abuse, teen pregnancies, etc. The speaker made the point that she had been made aware of all this through her friends, counselling course and so on, and it made her more thankful that God had blessed her with such a loving family where she never had insecurities or fears.

I thought back to my own family. As a kid my parents were always fighting. My parents loved me, but they always fought with each other, and there was frequently talk of separation. My Dad had a pretty violent, explosive temper, but I adored him. As a young teen my family situation worsened. Betrayal lead to humiliation and separation. Although my parents weren't together the fights were worse. There was a lot of bitterness, unforgiveness and poison. My Dad hurt my family a lot, and he manipulated my brother a lot. There was no clean end. It was dragged out over several years. I hated what my Dad had become. I hated the way he hurt us, especially my Mum. And I hated the way he was hurting himself.

As a young christian one of the big challenges I faced was forgiving my Dad. It was extremely hard. It is hard to forgive someone who was constantly hurting the people you love most, including himself. How can you not feel angry as you watch them destroy their own lives? It took several attempts, but I forgave him. I forgave not because he deserved it, but because I loved him.

Looking back, I think of my family situation and I think of the words spoken today. Being in a family is supposed to be a taste of what is to come in heaven. My family situation could be better likened to a taste of hell, perhaps. But I wouldn't exhange my family, with all it's flaws, for anything else. All the hatred, humiliation, confusion, sadness, mistrust, betrayal, violence, fear, insecurity, guilt, condemnation... I would not trade these for a better past or another family. I thank God that He blessed me with such a family, and I still love them very much, inspite of (or perhaps because of) what we have been through.

I wish a very happy Fathers' Day to my Dad, and pray that God will bless him very much.

Said He doesn't remember anything about a wall

God has been pretty good to me lately, so I need to share it! Okay, here we go:

1. It's okay to be forgetful when your Father in heaven remembers. I accidentally brought home a certain set of keys that I think cost about $10,000 to replace. I intended to return them, but forget. Last night I remembered because I needed them today. I searched through my bag BUT THEY WERE GONE! I freaked out. Ten grand worth of keys is a lot to misplace. Sam helped me go through my bag again. I then said something like, "Dear God, please let me find them". For some reason my fuzzy snotty (I have a cold) mind went instantly to "it's in your laptop case. You were going to take it to work" and there it was. YAY!

2. Today I was finishing setting up my painful experiment of doom. Two Fridays ago I got rained on, hailed on, covered in leeches and I think I had hypothermia. Today the weather was pleasant. It started getting cloudy towards midday, and praise God! It didn't rain or hail until we were in the car and on the way back to uni!

3. Without going into details, I thought past issues with my family had caused me to have a twisted mindset with regards to something in particular. It was reaching the point where I kept condemning myself for something which logically and even morally speaking is completely fine. I then recently discovered that this twisted mindset was not due to my family, but due to improper teaching by the church, which they have now apparently rectified (and yet failed to tell anyone so people still believing what was once taught will feel just as self-condemning and just as much a failure as me). This means that it is a more short-term (rather than long-term) mindset I need to readjust (which is easier), and it is not my screwed up family's fault! It makes it easier to bear, the self-condemnation makes more sense in this context (it was hard to understand why my family's issues would make me feel this way), and it has given me greater insight into why I seem to be on a different page to others. Yay! Thank you God for somehow letting me know the truth.

4. I thought I just lost my phone. I thought I left it on the bus. God prompted me to check my pocket, even though I couldn't feel anything in my pocket. It was in my pocket. X.x hehe, my brain is gone.

5. Our experiments haven't floated over the weir, or flooded. Pray they won't burn! It's meant to be a harsh fire season this year.

God is so good to me.