Losing focus

For the second time in probably a month I have posted something, only to take it down. The first time the post was only up for less than an hour. The second lasted several hours. The reason I took them down is quite simply this:

I want to glorify my God with my life.

But little things, whether they be my own selfish ambitions and desires, sins in my life, especially trying to please others and my poor attitudes, distractions, fixating on the "storms", worries, anxieties, fears, continually stand in the way.

They make me forget what I want. They make me push aside what I want. They demean what I want. I start wanting other things more.

The two posts I have taken down, if you were unfortunate enough to read them, highlighted this. I have been a very jealous, angry and frustrated person inside, and I was expressing that through both posts. In one I tried to explain my feelings and how God lead me to believe I was wrong. In the other I tried to justify my feelings and behaviours by pointing out ways I was fed up with being treated by different people.

In both cases all I was really doing was showing my inability to glorify God in these situations. It doesn't matter how right I think I might be. God is always right. He is always good. And my behaviours and attitudes, even the writing of those posts, was not justified. It doesn't matter what situations I have recently been through. My response was wrong, and the one I wronged most was God. And I lost focus of what I really want, to glorify God, in my need to express my hurts and vindicate myself.

God, I'm really sorry. Help me keep my attitude in check.

And anyone who read my posts, I'm also really sorry. I will be more responsible.

Upgrades

For those who visit there are new things on my sidebar that need some explanation. Sam who knits hats for the poor has inspired me to do more for the poor than just donate my funds. So I've decided to knit scarves for the poor. My plan is to have 20 scarves knitted by winter next year. So far I have one.

Some people may say that 20 isn't very many.

I say, "Have you seen how bad/slow/demented I am at knitting? Seriously, I suck. Twenty is quite ambitious of me."

So on the sidebar there is a countdown of how long until the scarves are due. There is also a counter of how many scarves I've knitted. It has a chick on it, in reference to the person I like *grin*

Anyways, that's it for now folks.

How do you know if something is funny?

Someone will cough up a lot of phlegm.

It's a special day tomorrow!

And why?

It's someone's birthday!



So today is a testimony post, where I act really cheesy and say nice stuff about how God has blessed my life with her. Let's be honest. He has.

It's funny how things turn out. Even though people at church label us as Token Whites and assume we're the same person, we're actually very different. As in completely different. As in totally different temperaments (fiery vs deceased, impulsive vs cautious), totally different interests (babies vs puppies), and totally different ambitions (babies vs... I nearly wrote career, but then choked at the thought and passed out for a few moments. Career? Yuk!). For some reason we get on really well.

Anyway, here are some of the ways Sam has been a blessing to me over the last year:

a. She gives really good advice. The advice she gives is usually the same as that given to me by leaders in the church. And the times I haven't followed her advice I usually end up doing something I regret. Such as when this happened, and I followed pressure as opposed to Sam's reasoning.

b. She is someone I am accountable to, and a big reason for this is because I trust her, and she trusts me (at least she seems to...). Anyway, what that means is I don't feel condemned by her, which makes it easy to be accountable to her in anything. Except maybe that time when I took those easter eggs...

c. She keeps giving me books. These range from Christian books she enjoyed, to Biggles books she gets for me off the internets. Biggles! So awesome! I want to be a Spitfire pilot!

d. We both have food issues. While this means we can't eat the same things, it also means we have someone to sympathise with.

e. She is my concordance. I cannot remember, no matter how hard I try, where specific verses or events are in the bible. This is painful, especially when trying to write a lesson. Sam has saved me many times. All I have to do is say, "Hey Sam... do you know that verse on faith and..." "Hebrews 11," is her reply.

She kills cockroaches. This is important. Heroes aren't always around.

g. She has rescued me from unwanted attentions. And I believe she will always come out fighting for the things she believes in!

There are many more things I could say, but I will only share two more. Sam is awesome because she accepts me for who I am. I can turn to her when I'm at my ugliest and lowest point and know she won't judge me, point out my flaws, or kick me when I'm down (she's very generous and caring). Also, we possibly bring out the worst in each other at times, which is quite fun =D

So here is a song that reminds me of Sam:

I hate to be the one to bear the bad news
Yes it is true, I've finally fell in love
I fell so hard that I'm killing myself
Yes I need out, out of this grave that I dug

And all the friends that I have gone through
And how much I deserve the pain
It's a shame

So hold your head, hold it up high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close, by your side
When I come home we will have our night

Oh, they always told me I was gorgeous in a way
And that fateful day I found who I was
So fill this hole with my prescriptions
And just keep feeding my addictions

And all the friends that I have gone through
And how much I deserve the pain
It's a shame

So hold your head, hold it up high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close, by your side
When I come home we will have our night
We will have our night

You were the ones that stood by my side
And I was the one that fought all of your fights

Hold your head, hold it up high
Keep this close, by your side

So, hold your head, hold it high
Here's to the friends that were alibis
Keep this close, by your side
When I come home we will have our night

(Friends and alibis- Escape the Fate)

Happy birthday Sam!