Congratulations to Sam, who is the delighted mother of 10+ babies, each weighing a healthy 2-5g! Their proud father, Kallie, was shocked by their arrival into the world.
"I didn't even realise Sam was bringing them home," she grinned. "They're very beautiful. Some are stripey. It's awesome."
I questioned how this growing abnormal family planned on functioning.
"It's harder than with stick insects. I mean, the boys were easy to provide for. I fed them. Sam educated them. Our new babies are a lot fussier, so it means we both have to work to meet their needs. I imagine Sam will still take them to school. I'll read them Thomas books!"
Photos of the new arrivals to follow soon.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
my heart is a monster
"We have to fix up the experiment," Matt said.
We'd just set it up. A feeling of dread came over me. I didn't want to go back out again. It didn't seem right. I didn't say anything and got back in the car. There were no other cars on the road, the white painted lines clearly visible against its dark surface. The road curved between tall eucalypts. Their trunks were silver and stark, their canopies thick, obscuring the mountains behind them. Tree ferns snuggled beneath the gums. At a familiar corner I looked to the right and caught a glimpse of the creek.
"This is where we set up, right?" I said anxiously, recognising the location but not remembering. I swore there was a sand bar before.
"Hmm... yes, I can see the tanks through the trees," called my ex-supervisor from the back seat.
She was right. Glimpses of the white tanks could be seen through the trees. The trees gave way to sand and Matt stopped the car. Another ute was already parked nearby and my colleagues were pulling things from the back. We grabbed some stuff and began to walk over the sand.
A cold hand gripped my heart. This felt wrong. I tried to ignore the feelings and followed my colleagues across the sand. It was difficult to walk at first, and then it got easier. I glanced down to see why and felt sick. The sand was compacted, and I saw we were walking on a burial ground. Burial grounds were cursed. We were walking on one. We were cursed. I began praying out loud.
"In Jesus name I break this curse. In Jesus name I break this curse."
I was scared, unsettled and the feelings wouldn't leave, but I saw that my colleagues weren't paying attention and continued walking, so I hurried up to them. We began setting up the white tanks. I went into a white weatherboard house to fix up some broken pieces. All of the furniture in the house was white or covered in white cloth. Other colleagues were also doing things.
It was comforting to know I wasn't in the house alone. I went into a bedroom and sat on the floor. There was a puzzle of a tiger on a green background, incomplete. To finish it I needed to make white puzzle pieces out of clay. I began forming them in my hands and fell asleep. I woke up. The door was closed. There were strange noises in the ceiling above me. It was probably just possums. I was all alone. I was terrified. I jumped to my feet and struggled to open the door.
"Someone help me! Please!" I cried. The door opened and I ran outside onto the wide verandah.
Scared but feeling silly, I leaned on the railing and stared across the white beach at the cerulean water of the sea. People were wading in the calm water, mending pieces of the experiment. I climbed down the stairs.
"People can't work on the other side. It's too rough," a boy informed me.
I turned to look at him. He was strangely beautiful, with golden white hair and icy blue eyes. I then glanced behind the house. The house was on a sandy bar. On either side was the sea. The house was facing the calm sea. Behind the house the waves were huge and the water choppy. Occasionally a large wave would wash right over the sandy bar. It was overwhelming.
A wave began to grow, and as it did fear grew in my heart. The boy and I looked at each other, then we quickly clambered back up the stairs. The house had become a black van on tall stilts. We grabbed onto the railing of the verandah and prepared for the worst. Looking up, we could see the massive black wave building up behind the house. The crest began to break into white foam. It was towering over us. Surely we would die. The house began to shake and, holding my breath, I held tightly onto the rail.
Surprisingly, the wave passed underneath the house. I watched its dark water flow through gaps in the floorboards. Everyone on the beach would have been killed. The boy smiled at me reassuringly. Shaken, I went into the house. There were books everywhere. I needed to finish making puzzle pieces, but the light was really dim. I began to set up lamps around the desk.
"Will there still be enough light for me to see?" my sister asked.
She was perched on a stool nearby. I nodded, then sat down. My Mum's little black dog, Jedda, ran into the room and I patted her. It felt good to touch her. She was soft and warm. I missed her, and her little dark presence was the most comforting thing. It was like a little flame had been lit in the cold darkness.
You might be confused by all this. You're not the only one. This was the dream I had last night. It seems ridiculous now while I try to write it, but at the time it was so vivid, so brightly coloured, so real, so scary. The overwhelming fear I felt throughout it was real. It was like there was something constantly dark in it, and I couldn't feel safe. I often have weird dreams, and bad dreams, but they're rarely this vivid. And I could actually feel my Mum's dog. This is pretty amazing. She has been dead for 9 years. I miss her. I feel like crying.
Today was Zac's birthday. Maybe that's why it's getting to me. I miss my Zac. I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't care.
We'd just set it up. A feeling of dread came over me. I didn't want to go back out again. It didn't seem right. I didn't say anything and got back in the car. There were no other cars on the road, the white painted lines clearly visible against its dark surface. The road curved between tall eucalypts. Their trunks were silver and stark, their canopies thick, obscuring the mountains behind them. Tree ferns snuggled beneath the gums. At a familiar corner I looked to the right and caught a glimpse of the creek.
"This is where we set up, right?" I said anxiously, recognising the location but not remembering. I swore there was a sand bar before.
"Hmm... yes, I can see the tanks through the trees," called my ex-supervisor from the back seat.
She was right. Glimpses of the white tanks could be seen through the trees. The trees gave way to sand and Matt stopped the car. Another ute was already parked nearby and my colleagues were pulling things from the back. We grabbed some stuff and began to walk over the sand.
A cold hand gripped my heart. This felt wrong. I tried to ignore the feelings and followed my colleagues across the sand. It was difficult to walk at first, and then it got easier. I glanced down to see why and felt sick. The sand was compacted, and I saw we were walking on a burial ground. Burial grounds were cursed. We were walking on one. We were cursed. I began praying out loud.
"In Jesus name I break this curse. In Jesus name I break this curse."
I was scared, unsettled and the feelings wouldn't leave, but I saw that my colleagues weren't paying attention and continued walking, so I hurried up to them. We began setting up the white tanks. I went into a white weatherboard house to fix up some broken pieces. All of the furniture in the house was white or covered in white cloth. Other colleagues were also doing things.
It was comforting to know I wasn't in the house alone. I went into a bedroom and sat on the floor. There was a puzzle of a tiger on a green background, incomplete. To finish it I needed to make white puzzle pieces out of clay. I began forming them in my hands and fell asleep. I woke up. The door was closed. There were strange noises in the ceiling above me. It was probably just possums. I was all alone. I was terrified. I jumped to my feet and struggled to open the door.
"Someone help me! Please!" I cried. The door opened and I ran outside onto the wide verandah.
Scared but feeling silly, I leaned on the railing and stared across the white beach at the cerulean water of the sea. People were wading in the calm water, mending pieces of the experiment. I climbed down the stairs.
"People can't work on the other side. It's too rough," a boy informed me.
I turned to look at him. He was strangely beautiful, with golden white hair and icy blue eyes. I then glanced behind the house. The house was on a sandy bar. On either side was the sea. The house was facing the calm sea. Behind the house the waves were huge and the water choppy. Occasionally a large wave would wash right over the sandy bar. It was overwhelming.
A wave began to grow, and as it did fear grew in my heart. The boy and I looked at each other, then we quickly clambered back up the stairs. The house had become a black van on tall stilts. We grabbed onto the railing of the verandah and prepared for the worst. Looking up, we could see the massive black wave building up behind the house. The crest began to break into white foam. It was towering over us. Surely we would die. The house began to shake and, holding my breath, I held tightly onto the rail.
Surprisingly, the wave passed underneath the house. I watched its dark water flow through gaps in the floorboards. Everyone on the beach would have been killed. The boy smiled at me reassuringly. Shaken, I went into the house. There were books everywhere. I needed to finish making puzzle pieces, but the light was really dim. I began to set up lamps around the desk.
"Will there still be enough light for me to see?" my sister asked.
She was perched on a stool nearby. I nodded, then sat down. My Mum's little black dog, Jedda, ran into the room and I patted her. It felt good to touch her. She was soft and warm. I missed her, and her little dark presence was the most comforting thing. It was like a little flame had been lit in the cold darkness.
You might be confused by all this. You're not the only one. This was the dream I had last night. It seems ridiculous now while I try to write it, but at the time it was so vivid, so brightly coloured, so real, so scary. The overwhelming fear I felt throughout it was real. It was like there was something constantly dark in it, and I couldn't feel safe. I often have weird dreams, and bad dreams, but they're rarely this vivid. And I could actually feel my Mum's dog. This is pretty amazing. She has been dead for 9 years. I miss her. I feel like crying.
Today was Zac's birthday. Maybe that's why it's getting to me. I miss my Zac. I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't care.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Happy Fathers' Day
During today's sermon a part of the message touched on the fact that an increasing number of people don't live in "ideal" family situations- broken families, conflicts, abuse, teen pregnancies, etc. The speaker made the point that she had been made aware of all this through her friends, counselling course and so on, and it made her more thankful that God had blessed her with such a loving family where she never had insecurities or fears.
I thought back to my own family. As a kid my parents were always fighting. My parents loved me, but they always fought with each other, and there was frequently talk of separation. My Dad had a pretty violent, explosive temper, but I adored him. As a young teen my family situation worsened. Betrayal lead to humiliation and separation. Although my parents weren't together the fights were worse. There was a lot of bitterness, unforgiveness and poison. My Dad hurt my family a lot, and he manipulated my brother a lot. There was no clean end. It was dragged out over several years. I hated what my Dad had become. I hated the way he hurt us, especially my Mum. And I hated the way he was hurting himself.
As a young christian one of the big challenges I faced was forgiving my Dad. It was extremely hard. It is hard to forgive someone who was constantly hurting the people you love most, including himself. How can you not feel angry as you watch them destroy their own lives? It took several attempts, but I forgave him. I forgave not because he deserved it, but because I loved him.
Looking back, I think of my family situation and I think of the words spoken today. Being in a family is supposed to be a taste of what is to come in heaven. My family situation could be better likened to a taste of hell, perhaps. But I wouldn't exhange my family, with all it's flaws, for anything else. All the hatred, humiliation, confusion, sadness, mistrust, betrayal, violence, fear, insecurity, guilt, condemnation... I would not trade these for a better past or another family. I thank God that He blessed me with such a family, and I still love them very much, inspite of (or perhaps because of) what we have been through.
I wish a very happy Fathers' Day to my Dad, and pray that God will bless him very much.
I thought back to my own family. As a kid my parents were always fighting. My parents loved me, but they always fought with each other, and there was frequently talk of separation. My Dad had a pretty violent, explosive temper, but I adored him. As a young teen my family situation worsened. Betrayal lead to humiliation and separation. Although my parents weren't together the fights were worse. There was a lot of bitterness, unforgiveness and poison. My Dad hurt my family a lot, and he manipulated my brother a lot. There was no clean end. It was dragged out over several years. I hated what my Dad had become. I hated the way he hurt us, especially my Mum. And I hated the way he was hurting himself.
As a young christian one of the big challenges I faced was forgiving my Dad. It was extremely hard. It is hard to forgive someone who was constantly hurting the people you love most, including himself. How can you not feel angry as you watch them destroy their own lives? It took several attempts, but I forgave him. I forgave not because he deserved it, but because I loved him.
Looking back, I think of my family situation and I think of the words spoken today. Being in a family is supposed to be a taste of what is to come in heaven. My family situation could be better likened to a taste of hell, perhaps. But I wouldn't exhange my family, with all it's flaws, for anything else. All the hatred, humiliation, confusion, sadness, mistrust, betrayal, violence, fear, insecurity, guilt, condemnation... I would not trade these for a better past or another family. I thank God that He blessed me with such a family, and I still love them very much, inspite of (or perhaps because of) what we have been through.
I wish a very happy Fathers' Day to my Dad, and pray that God will bless him very much.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Said He doesn't remember anything about a wall
God has been pretty good to me lately, so I need to share it! Okay, here we go:
1. It's okay to be forgetful when your Father in heaven remembers. I accidentally brought home a certain set of keys that I think cost about $10,000 to replace. I intended to return them, but forget. Last night I remembered because I needed them today. I searched through my bag BUT THEY WERE GONE! I freaked out. Ten grand worth of keys is a lot to misplace. Sam helped me go through my bag again. I then said something like, "Dear God, please let me find them". For some reason my fuzzy snotty (I have a cold) mind went instantly to "it's in your laptop case. You were going to take it to work" and there it was. YAY!
2. Today I was finishing setting up my painful experiment of doom. Two Fridays ago I got rained on, hailed on, covered in leeches and I think I had hypothermia. Today the weather was pleasant. It started getting cloudy towards midday, and praise God! It didn't rain or hail until we were in the car and on the way back to uni!
3. Without going into details, I thought past issues with my family had caused me to have a twisted mindset with regards to something in particular. It was reaching the point where I kept condemning myself for something which logically and even morally speaking is completely fine. I then recently discovered that this twisted mindset was not due to my family, but due to improper teaching by the church, which they have now apparently rectified (and yet failed to tell anyone so people still believing what was once taught will feel just as self-condemning and just as much a failure as me). This means that it is a more short-term (rather than long-term) mindset I need to readjust (which is easier), and it is not my screwed up family's fault! It makes it easier to bear, the self-condemnation makes more sense in this context (it was hard to understand why my family's issues would make me feel this way), and it has given me greater insight into why I seem to be on a different page to others. Yay! Thank you God for somehow letting me know the truth.
4. I thought I just lost my phone. I thought I left it on the bus. God prompted me to check my pocket, even though I couldn't feel anything in my pocket. It was in my pocket. X.x hehe, my brain is gone.
5. Our experiments haven't floated over the weir, or flooded. Pray they won't burn! It's meant to be a harsh fire season this year.
God is so good to me.
1. It's okay to be forgetful when your Father in heaven remembers. I accidentally brought home a certain set of keys that I think cost about $10,000 to replace. I intended to return them, but forget. Last night I remembered because I needed them today. I searched through my bag BUT THEY WERE GONE! I freaked out. Ten grand worth of keys is a lot to misplace. Sam helped me go through my bag again. I then said something like, "Dear God, please let me find them". For some reason my fuzzy snotty (I have a cold) mind went instantly to "it's in your laptop case. You were going to take it to work" and there it was. YAY!
2. Today I was finishing setting up my painful experiment of doom. Two Fridays ago I got rained on, hailed on, covered in leeches and I think I had hypothermia. Today the weather was pleasant. It started getting cloudy towards midday, and praise God! It didn't rain or hail until we were in the car and on the way back to uni!
3. Without going into details, I thought past issues with my family had caused me to have a twisted mindset with regards to something in particular. It was reaching the point where I kept condemning myself for something which logically and even morally speaking is completely fine. I then recently discovered that this twisted mindset was not due to my family, but due to improper teaching by the church, which they have now apparently rectified (and yet failed to tell anyone so people still believing what was once taught will feel just as self-condemning and just as much a failure as me). This means that it is a more short-term (rather than long-term) mindset I need to readjust (which is easier), and it is not my screwed up family's fault! It makes it easier to bear, the self-condemnation makes more sense in this context (it was hard to understand why my family's issues would make me feel this way), and it has given me greater insight into why I seem to be on a different page to others. Yay! Thank you God for somehow letting me know the truth.
4. I thought I just lost my phone. I thought I left it on the bus. God prompted me to check my pocket, even though I couldn't feel anything in my pocket. It was in my pocket. X.x hehe, my brain is gone.
5. Our experiments haven't floated over the weir, or flooded. Pray they won't burn! It's meant to be a harsh fire season this year.
God is so good to me.
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