Losing focus

For the second time in probably a month I have posted something, only to take it down. The first time the post was only up for less than an hour. The second lasted several hours. The reason I took them down is quite simply this:

I want to glorify my God with my life.

But little things, whether they be my own selfish ambitions and desires, sins in my life, especially trying to please others and my poor attitudes, distractions, fixating on the "storms", worries, anxieties, fears, continually stand in the way.

They make me forget what I want. They make me push aside what I want. They demean what I want. I start wanting other things more.

The two posts I have taken down, if you were unfortunate enough to read them, highlighted this. I have been a very jealous, angry and frustrated person inside, and I was expressing that through both posts. In one I tried to explain my feelings and how God lead me to believe I was wrong. In the other I tried to justify my feelings and behaviours by pointing out ways I was fed up with being treated by different people.

In both cases all I was really doing was showing my inability to glorify God in these situations. It doesn't matter how right I think I might be. God is always right. He is always good. And my behaviours and attitudes, even the writing of those posts, was not justified. It doesn't matter what situations I have recently been through. My response was wrong, and the one I wronged most was God. And I lost focus of what I really want, to glorify God, in my need to express my hurts and vindicate myself.

God, I'm really sorry. Help me keep my attitude in check.

And anyone who read my posts, I'm also really sorry. I will be more responsible.