Art- tips for young players

Firstly, Sam, I did not steal the bread. I don't like bread. I like easter eggs and shopping bags.

Moving on. I share a room with someone weird. I can't tell you who. She will get upset. One day I came home from school to find this:



That's right. A drawing of Jared Leto. And from this angle it doesn't look too bad. BUT IT IS! YOUR BRAIN IS TRICKING YOU!

Closer examination revealed that it was actually pretty bad, and because I'm pretty good at criticising artworks I thought this would be a good time to point out some things to keep in mind if you ever take up drawing with pastels.

1. Proportion is important.


Jared Leto should not look emaciated. His pretty face should be more rounded. Being a little more conscientious when shading could have saved him from the starving orphan look.

2. Take care with fine details.


Surprisingly, this mouth is the best mouth our amateur artist has ever drawn. It isn't bad. She likes pretty mouths; maybe that's why. The nose, however, is shocking.

3. Don't cheat. It looks ugly.


Just because your subject's hair gracefully falls over one eye does not mean you can slack off and do a dodgy job. People can still see that eye.

4. Pastels are smudgy. Be careful.


This is especially important if you enjoy drawing dark haired pretty boys with pale skin. I know for a fact that our friend spent an awfully long time trying to make the skin nice (she has skin tone issues normally), and then all her hard work was destroyed by accidentally smudging black hair onto the skin. It's a good idea to use something like blank paper to protect your picture from smudging while you work. It's also a good idea to be patient, and not rush to get it finished.

Overall, the picture isn't really good enough to submit as an art piece (poor Jared Leto!), but it's not bad considering it probably only took two hours to make max. And even though I didn't show this, word on the street is the awful artist is actually very pleased with the way his neck and shirt turned out.

Sponge cake eaters- everything you needed to know about them

Sponge cake eater (noun):

A term, usually offensive, used to describe a person who ascribes to the philosophy of the sponge cake and searches for inherent sponge cake qualities in everything. If such qualities are not found the person will then dismiss the assessed item as intrinsically flawed and therefore of no positive value.

The term sponge cake eater cannot be applied to anyone who eats a sponge cake. A person may eat sponge cake, and possibly even enjoy eating sponge cake, without being a sponge cake eater. To be classified as a sponge cake eater a person must enjoy eating sponge cake and dislike other items because they lack the properties of sponge cake, for instance, dryness, airiness, and an over abundance of cream.

Sponge cake eater (alternative definition):

a person suffering from a medical and psychological condition with similar manifestations as above, only the person enjoys eating sponge cake and dislikes items dissimilar to sponge cake through involuntary means, such as previous head trauma or drug-induced psychosis.

Etymology:

A term with a contemporary origin first used to describe a person on the 12th of May, 2009 (click here for original reference).The term was derived from two terms:

sponge cake- a cake made from egg whites, flour, sugar and other stuff that originated by the early 19th century. It has a light, airy (and dry) texture and generally isn't the best type of cake.

eater- a living organism that consumes things.

Example of the use of the word:

Sam loved that her vegetarian cupcakes did not have a dry, airy texture. She was no sponge cake eater.

The Quest for the Hidden Treasure

Journal entry, 22nd April:

18:00 hrs. Haven't had the internets for some time now, but didn't even notice. Rumours of special treasure have occupied all thoughts. Must find treasure. Must satisfy chocolate cravings!

18:30 hrs. Start mission. Initiate Despa-cam. Relay file sequence to computer for posterity.



18:40 hrs. End transmission.

Mission status: complete.

My economic crisis (when I die it's Sam's fault)

With the world economy in crisis many people are left asking "can it get worse?", "when will it get worse?", "how long will it last?", "how will it affect me?" and "how will I survive?"

We can only speculate on the answers to such questions. This isn't a class test where we can go and sneak the answer sheet from the teacher's desk. No! This is real life, and we won't know the answers until we live it out.

While I hate to be a pessimist, I find that sometimes the best way to get through hardships is to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. So how does one prepare for the complete economic downfall of the world? The answer... squirrels!

Think about it. Every year they make a secret stash of goodies to get them through the times when goodies are scarce. I'm ingenious and modest, and realised this was the only way to survive. Following the Way of the Squirrel, I made my own secret stash. Actually, I had two secret stashes. I carefully hoarded baby chocolate easter eggs (only the fruit and nut kind because they're more nutritious) so when things get rough I'll be able to survive.

Sam found my chocolate caches. Sam threw them away. Sam does not understand the Way of the Squirrel. Now I'm doomed and it's all her fault. She can pay for my funeral.